reliving sophomore year of college, possibly?

I'm seriously so mad right now. I have been planning this weekend for at least 2 weeks, if not longer. I've been wanting to go since before school got out in May but I was waiting for someone to be around on a weekend to go with me, since I know how my parents can be. Well, it looks like I probably won't be going. at all. not this weekend, not another weekend.

So sophomore year before I moved into my apartment my parents decided to 'be parents' for the first time since, maybe freshman year of high school? I'm not saying that my parents were bad parents, I was just given the responsibilty I earned. Senior year I was able to go and hang out at Bentley College with my boyfriend pretty much whenever I wanted...I don't even know if I even told them I was going until after I was there most of the time. I didn't have a curfew, granted it was recommended that I was home by 1 a.m., but it was OK if I either came home a little after that, or just let them know I wasn't coming home for the night before they went to bed. Then comes the summer before I'm finally moving out on my own and my parents decide to start restricting what I do, where I go, and with who I go out with. Ok, fine, I was 20 years old and I still was technically living at home and they were trying to hold on to whatever control they could, but still.

And now. I'm 22 years old, I lived on my own from two years and wasn't planning on ever coming back home except for the fact that I didn't get a job after graduation like I planned and I had a lack on income to support my living on my own. And until this past week, my mom would ask if I was coming home at all, instead of when I was coming home. She would be happy when I was home for dinner and sat down to talk about my day with her. She was happy if she saw me at all on a weekend, since we were never in Maine at the same time it seemed like for a while. Yet, when I mention that hey, I'm going to drive down to visit one of my best friends for the last 6 years that I've known him before he leaves for at least a YEAR in china, she freaks out and wants to play parent again. And now, she has my dad on her side. They both have convinced themselves that if I drive the 4.5 hrs by myself, that a.) I will get lost and never come home b.) because I'm a girl that I'm definitely going to get killed (even though I don't plan on making any stops until I get there...) or c.) that my car will die and thus I will die. Yes, my car is old. But it runs great and I drive it so often that I know instantly when something isn't right. I can tell the second my tires need a little more air by the amount of gas I'm using. And since I get such great mileage, I wouldn't need to get gas until my way home and I'd make Chris come with me since I'm not familiar with the area. And, to be fair, I'm actually great with directions, and hello - I'm not dumb! I wouldn't stop in a random place to begin with, and I'm driving down during the middle of the afternoon. It's not like I'm driving to...I don't know...pick some really really danger place and let's pretend I'm going there. I'm going to a place that I have actually visited once in the past and oh look, I lived. And Chris and his family and friends have lived there for years. Yeah, I don't think I should be concerned and I'm really confused as to why there are.

I've already got yelled at for taking into consideration going by myself, and I don't even want to know what kind of argument is going to happen if I tell them I am going by myself. It's really come to the point that I should just lie and say I'm not going by myself and then hope they never find out.

maybe i'll just pack up some stuff and run away for a while...wouldn't that be funny?

soon-to-be great weekend in NJ

This weekend when I go down to New Jersey may be one of the best weekends I've had in a while. So far, the boys have already planned a ton of great things to do, including a trip to White Castle, a day on the Jersey shore, and possibly, a trip to Sonic as well. As long as I get down there early enough on Friday, I will also be making a trip to Atlantic City!

Damn, I love having friends all over the country who let me come visit them :)

my insomnia needs to stop

So as I was laying in bed, unable to sleep, I started to think about all the things I want to accomplish in the next couple of years, either before I get to old, have no money, or have a job that doesn't allow for any free time.

Go to the next summer Olympics (2012) and attend at least one swimming event;
Go to a Superbowl, preferably when the Patriots are in it, but hey, I know they can't make it every year;
See the Patriots win another Superbowl;
Take a roadtrip across country;
Take Rt. 95 all the way from MA to the Florida Keys;
Take an obscure highway/road back home;
Visit most of the United States - however, there are just some states I am definitely not interested in visiting, like North Dakota, for example;
Take another great vacation with a huge group of friends and make more memories;
Make a difference for a future Simmons student - exactly how, yet to be determined;
Send my parents on a really great vacation, showing them how thankful I am of how much they have provided me over the years;
Host my own fundraiser in David's memory and donate all the money to the Make A Wish Foundation;
Find a job I really love;
Live in someplace other than MA for at least a year;
Get a master's degree;
Become somewhat famous in whatever field I decide to persue;
Have one of my photographs and articles appear in a magazine or book;
Learn to properly read a map, then forget everything I know and just go somewhere without any plans or destination;
Own a beach house where I can see the ocean from my bedroom anytime I want;
Receive an honorary degree;
Design my future house;
See if I can find out where my ancestors came from, then go visit their hometowns;
Learn to paint better than I currently do;
Learn to play the guitar;
Experience New Year's Eve in NYC;
Stand on the Esplanade for the Boston 4th of July fireworks;
Attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans;
Go dog-sledding;
Send a message in a bottle;
Knit afghans for any future grandkids like my grandmother did - they can be close friend's grandkids too;
Shake hands with someone who has truly changed a country;
Fly first-class;
See a sunset and a sunrise in the same day.


That's it for now. Now, I need to get out there and start accomplishing these goals.

my life resolves around music

As I was driving in the car this morning, I got to think about the impact music has. For me personally, all of my favorite songs relate to some point in my life, either good or bad. Here is just an example of a few that came up on my itunes as I was writing these:

I think back to driving up to the beach back in high school when Tara spilled her coolatta all over the place and threw the icy mix at Christine, just because she could, whenever I hear Everytime We Touch. Or whenever I hear a Taking Back Sunday song I think about how for 3 years in a row they were in Boston for my birthday and I went to their concert then out drinking afterwards. I think of my time in South Africa whenever I hear Girlfriend since we heard it EVERYWHERE over there. Bob Marley and Jimmy Buffett = all the caribbean vacations. Dani California? Trying to find ice cream in Maine with Nate and Katlyn. Jessie's Girl? Screaming at the top of my lungs in Schubies' old room at Merrimack. Crazy Bitch? TJ, for some unknown reason, but it still reminds me of him ha. Guster? Standing outside with Katlyn freezing our butts off in AUGUST waiting for the concert to start, as well as them coming for Spring Week and getting to hang out with them after, even though I was underage and wasn't suppose to be there. Gwen? Thinking about how Kenny would sing that dumb bananas song and claim that's how he learned how to spell bananas. New Found Glory? Going to Warped Tour back in high school and Tara crowd surfing, losing her shoe, and having to walk around all day with one shoe on. U2? Getting woken up at 4:30 a.m. for the MS Challenge Walk to get ready to walk 20 miles for the day. Nsync reminds me of watching the Super Bowl and not caring who was playing, except for the half time show, as well as the two concerts I went to with my mom :) Low? Convincing Ronnie that instead of it being 'boots with the fur' it was 'squirrels with the fur', which he would go around singing. Singing Build Me Up Buttercup after every swim meet on the bus ride back to school, even though we definitely probably lost, but we still wanted to have fun.

Music has the ability to bring a smile to my face and remind of mostly the good times, especially when I start to miss my old house and life. Or when I start to think about how fast college went by, I hear a great song and remember a time when I had an incredibly crazy time and it makes me realize that yes, even though I was completely stressed out most of the time, I had a great experience and I would never want to change it.


I wonder what new songs and experiences I will have in the new few months?

looking back on studying abroad

well even though it's been two years, i came across my journal that i wrote everyday while i was there. it was so powerful and life-changing and i'm going to add some of my experiences here, since i've already lost my journal once and i know i will do it again. WARNING; it's REALLY long since I was there for almost 3 weeks.

May 2007;
Jo'burg:
We almost missed our connection in London from Boston - nothing quite like running through heathrow airport in socks with 11 other people. Then our 10.5 hr flight to S. Africa sucked. The TVs didn't work, it was afternoon time for us (even though it was almost midnight for them), and I got sick infront of all my new friends. I'm still surprised they talked to me the rest of the trip after I did that. Our first hotel is really cute. It's almost like a guest house, with little rooms throughout the place. Instead of having heating in each of the rooms, the floors are heated, which is coming in handy, since its only 40 degrees here DURING THE DAY. We got to celebrate Beth's 21st with her. I think she really missed not being at home with her friends and family, but we still had cake and she gets to tell everyone that she turned 21 in South Africa.

Soweto: Walking around this township was our first exposure to what South Africans live like. After getting a walking tour and informal meeting with the Electricity Crisis Group, we went to visit the Hector Peterson museum. I loved getting the opportunity to see the different perspectives on the student uprisings and subsequent shooting of young Hector Peterson. [Side note: I found out a few months ago that Hector's older sister, the one who is pictured carrying him after he was killed, actually works at the museum and I wished I had got a chance to speak with her] After the museum, we got to see Mandela's house, Desmond Tutus' house, and Winnies' house. After, we walked around some more informal camps. Seeing how little these people have, especially what a 4 room house consists of, which is next to NOTHING, really makes me appreciate what I have back home. We had our first "South African" lunch at this funky restaurant called Wandies and I had my first of many fishes. We went out to dinner that night and I tried calamari for the first time, which wasn't as bad as I thought.

Apartheid Museum/Wits University: The apartheid museum was very moving. There was so much, I could probably have spent hours and hours in there. It was weird to find out that they only built the museum so that a hotel/casino/theme park could be built there too. Then we headed to Wits, which I was definitely looking forward to. I have this secret love to visit other colleges/universities and see what they are like; I have no idea why, but I LOVE it. We got to eat lunch in their student cafe and it was insanely cheap - $5 for everything! Then we got a chance to stop at their bookstore and even thought i really wanted to buy a sweatshirt they didn't have any in. Then we met with the infamous Anton - or Mr. Too Tight Pants - as we liked to refer to him. It was such a disppointment to meet with him and only have him talk about the upcoming election for the ANC.

Constitution Hill: I didn't know much before we got there, but spending the entire day there was definitely worth it. This place used to be an old fort/jail where Mandela was held at one point. We got to meet with Justice Albie Sacks for a few minutes, a man who played a significant role during apartheid, then we got a tour with his clerk. [Side note: His clerk was HOT and watching everyone try to sneak pictures of him was amazing] He pointed out why each piece of art was significant to the whole place. We also went out to a typical afrikanna dinner and the theater that night. Let's just say I still have nightmares about that play, which was suppose to be a greek tragedy done in typical Zulu tradition. I was terrified we were all going to be decapitated by the man swinging the mallet around his head, especially when he dropped it and it went flying.

Human Rights Commission: We got to meet with Jody Kollapen, whom Christina and I had met at Harvard in the spring. Unfortunately, I found him more interesting at Harvard then here. But it was still a great experience to practice our journalism skills. Then we met with a Wits Arts professor who took us to Funda Community College. We got to meet with the art students there, many of whom are older adults who have families and have to work in the little time that they have. That night, we meet with Eritrean refugees, which I think was mostly for Dan's benefit. Due to a lack of time, we didn't get to meet with them that long. Then we went out to dinner where we had my new favorite drink, Pims Cocktail. It's a mix of ginger ale, cucumber, strawberries and the Pim's liquor, which is apparently gin based.

Game Park: 3 hour ride to the game park today. Half way there we got to stop at a small market place and I got to pick up some gifts for home; salt and peppers shakers, and small bowls that were all hand carved and painted, as well as a giraffes hair bracelet. The minute we got off the bus we saw these cute little monkey's running around, which of course freaked Christina out. Our rooms were apartment-style, with a loft, which is where I got to sleep. We were stopped leaving our rooms at one point because of the baboons outside our rooms going through the trash - I'll never forget Christina yelling to us to come get her. We got to go on a 2.5 hr game drive on the first day. We saw all the typical animals, except for the cats. Walking back to the rooms at night was a little frighting, since the animals could be wondering anywhere. The following morning we had a 5 am game drive, which I would never recommend to anyone. It was beyond freezing and we didn't see many animals.

Train from Jo'burg to Capetown: 26 hrs on a train is not something I'd probably want to do again. First, we almost missed out train [I see a pattern of us almost missing a lot of things] The whole time I could only think of Eurotrip with the sketchy Italian guy. There wasn't much to do except hang out in the TINY rooms, so me, kristen, faythe, beth and christina bonded a little. We didn't end up getting a lot of blankets for the night since it was already warm in our room and we knew we wouldnt sleep for that long - BOY were we wrong. In the middle of the night the heat turned off and everyone but me and kristen froze.

Capetown: We made it after 26 hrs stuck in a 5X5 room. Capetown is significantly more beautiful than Jo'burg already. Our hotel, the Cape Castle Hotel, overlooks Capetown and its gorgeous here. We ended up at a Cuban bar for lunch which had amazing drinks. We have a full next couple of days but then the entire weekend off - no Dan!

Bo-Kaap/University of Capetown: Bo-Kaap was fun to walk around, with it's colorful buildings. Plus, we got to have tea and snacks at this woman's house and it was soo tasty. Then we headed over to the University of Capetown (you know i'm excited!) and we got to meet with students there. I got to talk with two girls, one from Norway, the other from Swaziland and learned about their HIV program here. Plus, I got to buy a Tshirt from their bookstore! We had lunch at one of their cafe's and it was of course yummy. College food overseas is much better than at Simmons. UCT is located right on Table Mountain and it was beautiful to look at the mountain and the scenary as we walked around. If I could have done a semester abroad, I would definitely have picked UCT. Dan took us for a tour of the waterfront area when we got back and showed us the amazing ice cream/hot chocolate place that he had been telling us about for weeks. We met with Eritrean refugees again tonight after dinner, this time we had more time to talk and I found it more interesting.

District 6/U.S. Consulate: We headed out to District 6 today, which is an area that used to have homes and businesses before the groups area act [Side note: I wrote one of my articles about this!] The museum was moving, as it was an old church that many of the families visited to leave messages about what they experienced. I found it interesting to see all the old street signs that one of the bulldozers was suppose to take down and destroy but he risked a lot to save them for years until he was able to bring them to the museum when it opened. We then met with a woman from the Anti-Eviction Campaign, who told us her story. She was very inspiring and I'm glad we got to talk with her. Then on to the U.S. Consulate! There was a lot of security for this, but I got a lot of information regarding the U.S.'s stance on HIV/AIDS in South Africa. They also gave us this lame presentation about how dangerous South Africa is; Hi Buddy, we've been there for almost two weeks and it's not that bad, so no thanks. We went out to Cubana that night, the sweeeet Cuban bar for drinks. We got to see Beth drink a shot that was on fire, and we had tasty and VERY CHEAP drinks (thank you amazing exchange rate, i love you).

June 2007/First day of Winter in South Africa;
Table Mountain/Touristy Day: The cable ride up the side of the mountain was far less scary than I thought it was going to be. I finally used more of my slide film and took a ton of great pictures. i could have spent all day up there. Then we went on a driving tour of Capetown so we would know where things were when Dan left us for the WHOLE weekend. I find it amusing that our professor had to get away for the weekend and trusted us on our own, way to go. Then we went to the Slavery House Museum, which did a great job comparing South Africa to America. We got to stop in Clark's Bookstore, where they were selling the book from the previous trip and is hopefully selling ours now!

Free Weekend in a foreign place: I went shopping in the craft market today and got a bunch of stuff to bring home, including art, figurines, and coasters. Then that night all 10 of us went out for drinks. We went to Cubana first then went to this dance club called 169. Nothing like getting back at 2 am since we had no professor to report to.

Khayelitsha: We were met by 6-10 little kids that were so excited we had come to visit. We were going to be staying at Vicky's Bed and Breakfast which is literally a shack that has been turned into this B&B. None of us were prepared for this, not knowing we were staying in the middle of the township. We were taken on a walking tour of the township, since we were not allowed to go by ourselves. The girls I was staying with were brought to another house a car ride away, since there was not enough room for everyone at Vickys.

Langa: We got to have "fat cakes" for breakfast, which are exactly what they sound like. After, we met with the Treatment Action Campaign [Another one of my articles] and they provided a ton of great information. They took us to a local rally/protest for one of their workers killed because she was HIV positive. We had an amazing lunch at this restaurant where we were the only ones there then went on a walking tour of Langa, which is the oldest township. We stopped at a preschool where the kids sang and danced for us; wicked adorable.

Back to Capetown: We had to say goodbye to the kids today and it was pretty hard. They were so cute and kept asking us when we would be back, but we all knew the answer was probably never. We stopped at the botanical gardens, where we got in trouble from Dan, since we were fooling around and not paying attention; oops. Then we went to the PENGUINS, which was something I had been looking forward to. They were tiny and so cute and JUST out of reach otherwise I would have taken one home. We went to this really nice restaurant right on the water where we had Kingklip wrapped in bacon; the only fish I actually enjoyed. Then again, anything wrapped in bacon is delicious. We went to Cape Point after and went on a really long walk along the coast. I wrote <3 Simmons 2007 on one of the rocks in a marker where other people had wrote messages and I hope it's still there for the 2009 trip. Then we went hiked to the Cape of Good Hope (the southern most point in Africa). We got to stop at the beach and run through the FREEZING waves and I'm glad I got to share it with the select few who chose to go. We had to climb down some intense rocks and I'm glad I didn't die or fall. We took the 'annual' group picture infront of the Cape of Good Hope sign. We got to our new hotel, The Breakwater, which used to be an old prison. We each got our own room, which I think was necessary at this point, since we were all stressed and cranky.

Robben Island: Whoever said these seas were smooth, were clearly lying to me, but I didn't get sick, surprisingly! I guess puking all over the place only had to happen once on this trip, thank god. Christina held my head in her armpit the whole ride and comforted me; what a friend. Our tour guide sucked and didn't tell us anything about what we were seeing on the ride. Considerating the importance of this island to apartheid, I didn't feel like I got anything out of it. We did get another tour from an maximum security ex-political prisoner who was much better. We got to see Mandela's cell but the other people on our tour were pushy and annoying so I didn't get to see too much. Once we got back we had lunch and I got to buy my favorite gorgeous green scarf. Nothing like cashmere that is extremely cheap! That night I decided that I needed to cause a little trouble so we stopped in Dan's room to ask something, I forget what now, but when he was getting his pictures together, I started hiding creamers all over his stuff. How he put up with me for the past 3 years, I have no idea.

Apparently that's all I wrote in my journal. We still had two more days left but we had a lot of free time and just walked around and enjoyed Capetown. We did go out drinking our last two nights in the country and drank mostly for free, which I DO remember. We also went dancing on our last night and it was such a great way to end a great trip. You'll be happy to know I didn't get sick on the way home, except once again, my TV didn't work and I had to deal with a 16 hr flight with no movies.

california thinks i need to write more

welcome: this is going to by my new blog spot from now on. I've graduated and need a new place to continue on my writing. So enjoy.

well looking back on how i thought my life after college would be like, i realize how wrong i was. i had these big plans - living in boston in a great apartment, having a job that i would love forever the day i graduated, buying a new car, traveling more - but none of that has happened. quite the opposite i guess.

i moved out of my fantastic apartment in may, due to a lack of job, money, and fighting among roommates. but living at home hasn't been as bad as i thought, since i'm pretty much left to my own. but i will never consider this house my 'home', that was in stoneham and gone forever. i left too much behind there to ever be able to say that home is woburn. david's not here and we left him back there. no, this will never be home for me.

it surprises me everyday that i graduated over 2 months ago and i'm still pretty much without a job. but, at the same time, its exciting. i get to have a real 'summer vacation', a first since starting high school. besides jamaica, which was pretty much amazing, i haven't done too much though, which is very unlike me. i am going to be hopefully heading down to new jersey to visit with chris before he leaves for a year in china next week, but then its august and the summer is almost over. then what?

if this job doesn't work out with brandeis, i might just start looking at other places around the country. i mean, if i don't pick up and go now, will i ever? will i ever be able to be like chris and go to a foreign country for a whole year without knowing anyone, just because it's something i've always wanted to do? i don't know. i have been saying that i am going to return to africa and do something with myself, whether it's volunteer at the HIV/AIDS clinics or like beth was considering, work on a farm for a couple months. it all sounds amazing, but could i ever do it? we will just have to wait and see won't we.