seven years ago today...

seven years ago today:
- i was a sophomore in high school
- i had only read about things that happened in history, never living through anything major that would affect the rest of our lives
- i was terrified to fly, but it had nothing to do with people crashing planes into buildings
- i never thought that 1/4 of my life, so far, would be spent during a war that seems to have no end
- i never thought that more friends than i'd like to know would go overseas to fight for our country

every year, i reflect on today. i personally didn't lose anyone but i know many people that did. my uncle came VERY close to being in one of those towers, and i am thankful every day that he wasn't there. hes a psychologist who works with homeless people on the streets in NYC. his 'office' happened to be located in one of the towers but he was only required to go to a meeting once every few weeks with other people he worked with...it is mostly a 'get out there and help people' kinda job. September 11 just happened to be the day when his office was suppose to get together for a meeting, but he woke up that morning and for whatever reason, his meeting either got cancelled, or pushed back to later that afternoon, so he didn't need to go into the office. that saved his life and i know it has affected him ever since. he lost many people he knew that day.

i don't know why this year i feel as if i'm more affected, if that's the word i'm looking for. i guess maybe because this is the first year where i haven't been at school where everyone just talks about it. in high school, we always held a moment of silence and then talked about it in particular classes, depending on if the teacher knew someone or not. then at simmons, being a communications major, we would talk about the effect on the media or you'd see someone that knew someone that just needed to talk for a few minutes.

but this year, i was at brandeis. no one even mentioned it, which i find weird since i know my office had to have lost some alums. brandeis alums, especially the ones we target as donors, pretty much only live in NYC or abroad. these are very well-to-do professionals, who probably were there during the times of the attacks. i felt sad to know that no one, at least not at IBS, recognized the people who were lost that day.

today was also the first day i really noticed that planes that fly in and out of the small airport by my house. i've know that airport has been there for YEARS, since david had a boyscout camp outing there when we were little. but today, as i was driving to work, stuck in traffic, i could see all the planes flying in and out, and honestly, when i heard police cars coming down the highway, i got this sick feeling in my stomach, even though i knew the police probably had to do with an accident somewhere down the road and nothing to do with the airplanes, but that's what i thought. and of course, i could only picture the images that i've seen so many times that they are forever ingrained in my mind.

the verdict is still out whether or not i truly feel safer when i fly. granted, i HATED flying long before sept 11th was probably even a thought in the terrorists' minds. i've always wonder how something so big and heavy as a plane could possibly stay in the air. then of course, final destination came out, and surprise surprise, i got even more freaked out. i hate to admit it, but i really check my tray table every time i get on a flight. watch me, you'll laugh. but after sept 11th, i really questioned if i would ever feel completely safe, disregarding the falling out of the air by accident part. i think if someone was really determined to try to duplicate that day, they would. they found a loophole in the system then, so what makes it impossible for there to be another loophole none of us know about. for instance, coming back from jamaica, jen and laura both went through security with bottles of sunscreen in their carryons - unknowingly, but still. we didn't realize it until we were about to board and they were looking for something in their bags. how excited do you think i was to get on that plane? no amount of drugs could take away that feeling let me tell you. sure, boston might have pretty decent security, but other states? other countries? i have my doubts. and i know i'm not the only one.

i really hope that future generations are aware of the devastation that happened that day. i know that growing up we always learned about the world wars, pearl harbor, the gulf war, vietnam, cold war, etc. but this is just so different. this was mostly innocent people - people traveling for one reason or another, people at work, people trying to help other people, our nurses, doctors, police, firemen, emts, good citizens. and, in addition to all that, our soldiers have been out there for almost just as long, giving up their lives to honor those who died.

i just hope that no one ever forgets. i know i won't.

you can try to grow up, but who knows where to start

well today was a little rocky, just because of a lack of communications between my office and technology. but, i really enjoyed it, i just wish i didnt waste so much time sitting around doing nothing, especially when i know how much i'm going to be doing in next new upcoming months.

and even though i really loved today and i know i'm going to be very happy working at brandeis, i still couldn't help but think about how i want to get away, just for a few days, to anywhere really. i technically don't have columbus day weekend off, its a floating holiday so i think i can choose to take the day off then but then i need to work another floating holiday or something. but, it would be a perfect 4-day weekend and i really need to go somewhere, preferably warm, but more importantly, somewhere fun. i need to fulfill that feeling inside of going somewhere new and exciting, even for a short period of time, or else, i might go insane.

but, my options are limited, since my friends have all decided to leave where they were living all summer. i told amy that i'd come out to visit her in california this summer, but again, never got to it and she just moved back to boston, so that option is out. and then i was thinking oh i can go back to nj, but then i remembered that chris had to move all the way to china FOR A YEAR, so that won't be happening. my cousin's in new york city, but it just feels too close and i've been there recently (sorta) so maybe if i dont have any other plans. maybe paco will stay in thailand and i can go visit him...haha or not.

someone needs to live somewhere fun and invite me to visit. i'm really a great houseguest, i promise! plus, i can SORTA cook and will make you something tasty, like rum cake...trust me, it's amazing.




i think the space between me and here would be beneficial so i can really reflect on what i want. this weekend probably didn't help any.

reflections during the labor day weekend

this is the first time in at least four years that i haven't been moving on labor day/heading back to boston to get ready for another year of classes. i think it will really hit me on thursday when i see all my friends' away messages about how hard/easy classes were that first day.

i hung out with cat yesterday for the first time all summer and it was great to be around another simmons woman. we sat around and talked about simmons and the professors and the communications department...i even gave her some advice about the senior classes shes taking, since i took the exact same ones last year. i think that really helped me realize that even though i'm not "on campus" i will still be involved in some shape or form, since i still have a ton of friends there and of course, i will be volunteering for the admissions office as an alum to recruit future students! (i almost don't have a choice on that one, since my ex-boss was in charge of getting alums to staff fairs and recruit students, and she even tried to convince me to do it as an undergrad and said we'd just lie to anyone who asked and said i had already graduated haha oh kathy, i miss working for you!)

but, on the other hand, i start my real, first 'real world' job tomorrow bright and early at 9 a.m. at brandeis university in the international business school. i'm torn between super-excited and super-nervous. i'm excited that after a great summer of sun, beach, vacations, and lots and lots of drinking and digression (that's for josh and schubie) that i will finally be moving onto that next stage of my life. a bunch of my friends who also graduated have already started their jobs and i can't wait to join them! but, i'm also kind of scared since i won't know anyone there and surprisingly, i am actually pretty shy and quiet around people i don't know. i'm sure after a few days i'll be much more comfortable, since that's how it was when i started in financial aid and admissions, but this time, it's a whole new school, which is why i think i'm a little more nervous than normal. the bonus is that i will actually go to the gym a lot more, since i get an hour lunch, and the gym is right on campus! i am determined to be back in shape like i was senior year when i was swimming, minus the intense shoulder pain.

in other news, i'm sad that i will not be going to see jimmy buffett in concert this summer. for the past 2 summers it had become an annual family outing, and i had hoped to go again this year, but we couldn't get tickets, or so we thought! due to lack of anything else to do, and because of my itunes playing jimmy, i decided to look up on ticketmaster to see if there really wasn't anything left, and guess what! there are tickets for thursday's show, but they're $130 EACH, and it's a thursday night. i would never be able to get up for work the next morning, unless i drove directly there and just slept in the office. last year, we didn't get home until almost 230 a.m. and the previous year it was another really late-night drive home. i'm thinking that i might splurge and get tickets if/when he goes to mohegan sun, since it's not THAT long of a drive and my neighbor has connections and could get me sweeeeeeeeet seats.

i was reading our caribbean travel and life magazine today and i really started to get sad that i don't have any trips planned to the caribbean yet. this is the first time in YEARS (probably close to 13 years at least) that i haven't already known where/when my next trip down there will be. we started going when i was in elementary school, and it just makes me sad to think that because of the economy, it's going to be too expensive to go anymore. i have had a 'cruise' saved for over a year, since i was able to 'book' a room and hold a spot for myself for any date that i wanted when we went on our last cruise, which was junior year, but because of sky-rocketing flights and a lack of money on my end, i haven't been able to actually pick a date and go for it. i think my passion for traveling, the beach, good food and drinks, plus a slight obsession with the music from the islands is the reason that i love going down there.

i think jimmy perfectly summerizes how i feel in 'one particular harbor' - here are a few of the parts that really hit home for me:

I know I don't get there often enough
But God knows I surely try
It's a magic kind of medicine
That no doctor could prescribe....

But there's this one particular harbor
So far but yet so near
Where I see the days as they fade away
Finally disappear

But now I think about the good times
Down in the Caribbean sunshine
In my younger days I was so bad
Laughin' about all the fun we've had

I seen enough to feel the world spin
Mixin' different oceans meetin' cousins
Listen to the drummers and the night sounds
Listen to the singers make the world go 'round


and that is definitely why this is one of my all-time favorite songs, in the whole world.



i'll end with my favorite picture of this summer. i think it really shows how much fun i had with a great group of people!